THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PAIN
People deal with pain in different ways according to their personality types. Some People prefer being left alone for a season; other people cope better with some company that is when hangouts, nights out, and even religious occasions serve as a succor to them and some others just relive the memories of the good old days and feel somewhat better.
Pain itself comes in different forms; it could be a pain of separation or the pain of a loss incurred. The torture starts when we start enumerating everything we could have done right in our head and start playing out different case scenarios; which I think is usually the case for overthinkers.
I remember when the news of my father’s demise was broken to me though I had already suspected it from reading the room, at that point when my doubts were confirmed I felt the heavy weight of its reality hit me and my lungs gave way to a loud scream and a fit of tears. My mom did her best to get me to quiet down but I pushed her away and didn’t want anyone to console me. The newly acquired knowledge made the pain more real and coupled with the fact that I didn’t get to see him before he passed.
The only closure I had was a conversation we had on his sick bed some months back when we were discussing my grades, I did poorly in physics and chemistry that term and I made him a promise that I was going to put in more effort and that I wasn’t going to fail both subjects in WAEC. He was easily my mathematics and physics teacher, my dad was brilliant though his formal education stopped in high school. I remember him helping me with my mathematics homework and assignments and going through the test and exam questions with him during the holidays.
My father was a man who was proud of our academic achievements, I remember while I was in grade 5 and there was a mock preparatory exam for common entrance for both grade 5&6 pupils, and I came out as the first overall and wasn’t even preparing to write the common entrance that year. And as it was required as a form of celebrating the exceptional pupils the school required to bring a photograph to school to be put on the school notice board; as we walked to the photography studio close to my house at that time my father told everyone who cared to listen that his daughter came out as the overall first in both grades 5&6 preparatory mock common entrance examinations in his usual bubbly nature.
Or was it the treats to pepper soup or nwobi spots or to very popular crunches or Mr. Biggs fast-food restaurants that he took us on random to on Sundays. Remember in my first year at boarding school in Federal Government Girls College Owerri. Then it was my first visiting day after my dad dropped me at school for the first time that term; I fought hard to hold back tears in his presence but went back to my hostel and cried that night.
Back to the visiting day, my entire family came that Sunday and with lots of goodies they even stopped at a fast-food restaurant and bought plates of ice cream and snacks. I was in the hostel when I was told that I had visitors I thought it was just maybe my mom or my dad, you can’t imagine my excitement when I saw the whole squad in the car. My mom brought so much food that we all ate together at the visiting area there was still enough to give out to my classmates. Later that evening I overheard some of my classmates arguing if we were rich or not, and I just smiled because that was the kind of father I had, he was a “Go big or Go home “ kind of person when he turns up he turns in a big way. And it’s one of the things I miss about him.
During my grandfather's burial ceremony, I shed a tear or two when his name was been chanted by the emcee during the celebration as I imagined what he would have done if he were physically present.
So on this father’s day, I want to reiterate that I miss you dad and sometimes I wish that he went on a long journey and would soon be back.
Anyways you have journeyed to the other side. I still want to share my wins with you and watch your face light up with that big smile of yours, whenever I mark a big achievement I know you would always be celebrating with me
I think I have discovered the way I handle pain, I take it out on my keypads and I let it out on pages reliving the beautiful memories and all the time spent together
